fantasy? drama?

sometimes i reali do wonder if i'v been thinking too far or...
we seemed to be so close yet so far...

this time its a different start. unlike the previous ones, this started reali unknowingly, sneaking in slowly... i nv tot it'll happen coz i placed him in tat "untouchable" category right from the start. emotions are so uncontrollable, they jus appeared out of no whr. now im stuck in this mess n stupid him doesnt do anytg obvious... or are we from 2different worlds that we dun understand wats obvious in e other's world?

I got the opinion from a fren. he asked me a critical qn which i thought i knew e ans but i retracted. "If he were to ask u to be w him now, wld u agree?"

right at that moment i tot tat'll b gd. isnt tat wat im waiting for? but i started to think, will we be able to last? given that both our characters are very strong, can we accomodate the other? even now we are having some conflicts in ideas and we tend 2protect our ideas than accepting the other's. but it is this strong character tat im attracted to, yet i wldnt want a r/s this chaotic... life's contradicting...

actually an idea once flashed across my mind n was also brought up by another fren; if u reali do like him, will u dare to make the 1st move? ppl, do u tink tis is an option at all? i dun wish things 2turn worse. im hurt enough seeing his photo taken w a gal (which shldnt be the case since nothing has started, but anyway it has happened, silly me), i dun tink i can take it if he reali do reject me. but of coz if he is more open w it, more obvious w his intentions, i wldnt needa tink of ways 2test n clarify.

things jus got abit more complicated w another 1stepping in. i rejected him upfront. i wasnt prepared at all + i dun reali knw him thus was nv a consideration. but after tis few months of interaction, his character seems rather like me; noisy yet nice. of coz there are also areas which i think we dun quite agree as w any other ppl, but overall was ok. now i feel im falling in slowly. perhaps jus like his broad shoulders, like tat firm and cozy support. like his joyful character, no worries wheneva w him. but he seems reali new 2r/s. i dun wanna spoil his dream of e perfect r/s, nor hurt him so badly that i even lose a gd buddy like him. i jus hope he doesnt come askg me again b4 he leaves for his 3mths overseas assignment. at least i still have another 3mths 2calm myself n clarify if i do stand a chance in e former. AHHHHHH... .... wat a confusing thing. when will the ans be out?

LonG tIme No See, I thoUghT...

Not yet mati... but barely surviving spiritually...

Things seem to be going too fast for me that they get tangled in my mind. Perhaps like what Initial-D taught, i'm just not moving fast enough. Guess my problem is too emotional, the fault of many women...

Months ago, i just learnt to let go of a r/s that no longer can be revived. Now, im stuck again like 5yrs ago. I once read a book and the counsellor/psychologist said divorcees tend to get back the old jerks after freeing themselves from bad r/s. That's coz they haven changed to attract the right people that they wanted to attract. Now guess I needa do lotsa soul-searching to change people's view of me so that worthy people take me seriously and jerks stop fooling around me...

If you have any opinions/suggestions to help in my changing process, do drop me a note... it does help...