the golden years

recently been hearing lotsa good news around; people getting married, starting their families, planning for a house/home...

suddenly i realised my world was empty. not because there was no one but because it seems forces are pushing me to stay alone. i thought back my "dream" of getting married at 21 an be happy ever after. it seemed like never going to be true, not the age, but the whole scenario! i was thinking if it was due to no time. but like my colleague said, there's never time for relationships if you don't allocate for it. alot of people spend their youth on their jobs/careers and ended up unhappy because they had nothing when the crisises come. so she encouraged me to do it concurrently and that family should come before career.

i had been in relationships before. but it seems my family has never been acceptable before. had my partner choices been that bad? when sharing with others, it seems my case is not unique, but also still salvageable. i did try to turn things round. but it just does not work. i just feel so tired trying to convince both ends to accept one another that i feel like i am worse than a mediator. why do i have to answer to so many people on my choice when in the end i would be the one suffering/enjoying? this question may sound silly, selfish or whatever, but i am sick and tired of all the stereotyping of people around/in your family equals ur character and behaviour analogy. take myself for example, i have absolutely different mindsets with any family member! yes, any of them!

back to the question; so i should just stay single, lonely and in my own world?

i have absolutely no idea these days. old memories just keep flashing back, telling me at least i did seriously enjoy several happy moments before. happiness from relationships is not forever, but they will be if u are filled with love and satisfaction of whatever u have got. perhaps when someday i'm pass the age of waiting and longing, i'll find peace in myself, my own world again... bless that this moment comes soon...